Customer Happiness Specialist- West Coast/Hawaii
Posted Aug 9
Headquarters: New York
Country of Origin: USA
Location: New York, New York
Age: 10 (Kids grow up so fast these days, don't they?)
Eye Color: Hazel
Hair Color: Teal
Personality: Friendly. Cool. Down to earth. Kind of like if Josh Hartnett and Reese Witherspoon started a software company, and then got their nerd on.
Likes: Espresso. Whiskey. The TV show Arrested Development. Eating Human Food. (As long as it doesn't have too much fiber.)
Dislikes: Cucumbers pickled (but love everything else pickled), and having to use the phone *cringes with disgust* to make dinner reservations for eating food without too much fiber.
Looking For: Long-term relationship with friendly, outgoing, spirited person in search of a brand new career working remotely with a cool NYC tech company. You must be able to work normal hours around either the U.S. Pacific or Hawaii time zones. Must love dogs. (Kidding, there are no dogs.)
A̶r̶e̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶o̶n̶e̶ ̶m̶y̶ ̶s̶o̶u̶l̶ ̶h̶a̶s̶ ̶b̶e̶e̶n̶ ̶s̶e̶a̶r̶c̶h̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶f̶o̶r̶?̶
̶D̶o̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶l̶i̶k̶e̶ ̶l̶o̶n̶g̶ ̶w̶a̶l̶k̶s̶ ̶o̶n̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶b̶e̶a̶c̶h̶?̶
̶H̶e̶y̶,̶ ̶c̶h̶e̶c̶k̶ ̶o̶u̶t̶ ̶m̶y̶ ̶m̶u̶s̶c̶l̶e̶s̶!̶
My name is Acuity.
I'm an online scheduling tech company based in New York City.
While I don't usually do this sort of thing, I figured it was time to "put myself out there" and see if, just maybe, the right person might be reading on the other side of the screen.
Where to begin? Well, for starters, I help small, medium and very large businesses keep their schedules organized. It's a great gig, and I like when people tell me how much they love me. Though I am always sad when, at the end of the day, they abandon me (my log-out button is my least favorite physical feature) and go on to do things they tell me humans do, like go to happy hour and play with these things called "the kids."
My dad, Gavin, is great. He built me from scratch almost a decade ago (which means I'm almost going into the double digits!). They tell me he's a wonderful boss to work for, and that's where you come in.
We need another human to come work with us, in order to help even MORE humans. (You guys are everywhere.)
You see, while I'm very useful to your kind (especially what you refer to as "business owners"), sometimes people can be confused by my buttons, bells and whistles. I love to whistle.
So, my dad decided to get together some other smart humans to help out. Before long, though, there was so much to do! Humans are very limited in their processing capacity, you know. So my dad hired some more humans. And then some more. Because apparently I am growing at the - how do you call it? speed of light? - so while my dad is very happy, it also means we need even more hands.
Not just any old hands, of course. And not just any old human. We're looking for a very special human--one who loves to dig in, solve problems, be on a team, laugh together, hustle together, and want a long term relationship with me. (Sorry my dad taught me early on that one night stands are bad.)
And guess what? The best part is that you don't even need to live where I do, in New York City. Cool, right? My sister, the internet, has made life quite convenient for your race. I'm very proud of her.
Well, that's enough about me. I talk too much, sometimes. But usually only when my sister is being a pain. We have a love/hate relationship.
Anyway, is this you? Could you be my new soul mate?
- Loves to talk to other humans
- Loves to help other humans
- Loves to write emails to other humans
- Excited about working remotely
- Thinks tech is cool and spends free moments in between bathroom breaks and during the latest episode of Arrested Development brainstorming ways to make me, Acuity, even cooler
- Considers themselves a "self-starting maniac who would get it done even when nobody was looking over their shoulder and even if their significant other begged them to give up everything and go on a free trip to Aruba." Okay, just kidding about that last part. We just like self-starters. And if your significant other is giving away free trips to Aruba, they should probably come work here, too.
- Likes the idea of having 100% of their medical / dental / vision premiums covered (white teeth, mmhmmmmmm)
- Gets jazzed when they see the term "401K," and even more jazzed when they read "with 3% of your salary contributed whether you want the money or not" (retirement, mmhmmmmm)
- Loves to learn, because when you work here, you also get an annual $5,000 credit toward continuing education (education, mmhmmmmm)
- Would play a great detective, à la Dick Tracey, digging to the root of other humans' problems and trying to help them crack the case (even if the case is just "I forgot my password")
- Can write clearly, AKA doesn't typically communicate in ancient Sanskrit. This is important.
- Oh, and the most important part! The salary range for the right human is USD $45,000 - $65,000, depending on experience and skills. Told you my dad was a great guy!
Do you think you might be THE ONE?
Now accepting love letters. We'll let you decide what to write!